


Wanted to Hold

by Rubynye



Category: Star Trek XI
Genre: First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-10
Updated: 2010-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-06 02:52:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubynye/pseuds/Rubynye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hikaru makes a request and Pavel learns something important.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wanted to Hold

**Author's Note:**

> Based on this prompt: "[Chekhov/Sulu. Inexperienced!top!Pavel and reassuring!bottom!Hikaru plz.](http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink/1886.html?thread=4307550#t4307550)"  
> All Thanks To: [](http://princessofg.livejournal.com/profile)[**princessofg**](http://princessofg.livejournal.com/) for advice on diction, [](http://lomedet.livejournal.com/profile)[**lomedet**](http://lomedet.livejournal.com/) for alpha reading and [](http://brown-betty.livejournal.com/profile)[**brown_betty**](http://brown-betty.livejournal.com/) for beta reading.

Title: Wanted to Hold  
Fandom: Star Trek XI  
Rating: NC-17  
Pairing: Chekov/Sulu  
Summary: Hikaru makes a request and Pavel learns something important.  
Content Advisory: Vague spoilers for the movie; slash, fluff.  
_Disclaimer:_ None of these characters or their settings belong to me.  
Title source: I will eventually run out of fragments of the song "Starlight" by Muse to use as titles for Chekov/Sulu stories. Really.   


It is not the first time Lieutenant Sulu has been hurt on a mission. Trying his very best not to think about how it's unlikely to be the last, either, Pavel walks slowly beside Hikaru, carrying a datapadd and listening to him grumble. "Three days off duty? _Three_?" Hikaru gripes as if he can't hear the shortness in his breath, doesn't notice his own arm wrapped protectively across his middle. "I don't know why McCoy thinks I need to waste that much time doing nothing."

"It is perhaps because you nearly died," Pavel points out, he thinks quite reasonably. Hikaru glares sideways, and it does not help that Pavel wants so much to lick the little crinkles at the corners of his narrowed eyes. Instead he sets his chin as firmly as he can, and Hikaru says nothing, looking ahead as they take several more slow steps. Pavel's legs are tense like tight springs, wanting to carry him as fast as he can move, but his heart keeps him in pace with Hikaru, as he tries not to show he's holding back.

Then Hikaru chuckles, a little breathlessly. "Why don't you run ahead, okay? I'll catch up."

Pavel shakes his head. "I am ordered strictly, by a _superior officer_," he says as Hikaru rolls his eyes, "to see you to your door in safety."

"Okay, I know, we're _all_ afraid of Doctor McCoy." They arrive at Hikaru's quarters, and he sets one palm on the wall as he sets the other on the pad. Hikaru holds his back straight and proud, but Pavel can see his arm tense, taking his weight, and he has to clench his fist to keep his own arms at his sides.

The door opens on Hikaru's quarters, familiar and neat, festooned with potted plants. They step inside, the door whooshes shut, and Pavel immediately flings the datapadd at the bed, wrapping his arms around Hikaru, who sighs and sags into his hold. After a moment Hikaru laughs wryly, tightening his arm around Pavel's waist, leaning his head on Pavel's shoulder. They stand for a moment, getting Hikaru's weight adjusted between them, and Pavel flattens his hand on Hikaru's side, feeling his solidity through the uniform he insisted on wearing. The warm familiar weight of him makes Pavel's blood rush faster, makes his cock twitch painfully against his fly.

"I have you," Pavel says as sturdily as he can, trying his best to ignore his erection. He dragged that padd to Sickbay just to weigh down his lap; he's been hard every time he's seen Hikaru in the last thirty-nine hours, ever since Doctor McCoy told him, so gently it made him shake, "Kid, Sulu's going to be all right." All Pavel wanted during the earlier eighteen hours was for Hikaru to keep his life; all he wants now is to feel Hikaru alive beneath him, to jump on him and kiss him, touch him and taste him and be fucked through the bed by him until he can bear to let go.

"You've got me." Hikaru skims his mouth over Pavel's ear, sending a pulse of heat through him that makes him have to bite his lip. Sternly reminding himself that it's not a night for jumping on Hikaru, Pavel helps him to his bed and eases him to sit.

Hikaru pulls his shirt off quickly, as if that would keep Pavel from noticing his wince. "Let me help," Pavel says, kneeling before him and easing his undershirt off over his head. Hikaru emerges from it smiling brightly, as if he's not hurt at all, as if Pavel can't see the pale new skin over most of his chest, didn't overhear Dr. McCoy referring to his ribs as a jigsaw puzzle.

Gentle fingers under Pavel's chin tilt his face up. Hikaru was watching Pavel look him over, and his smile is a little faded as he meets Pavel's eyes. "Hey," he says, as if this is _easy_, and Pavel is suddenly awash in rage, at Hikaru for volunteering, at Captain Kirk for taking him, at Starfleet for ordering them into pointless danger.

Hikaru doesn't say anything, just strokes his thumb up and down Pavel's cheek, and the anger drains away faster than it welled up. The _Enterprise_ had her mission, the Captain needed his best officers with him, and Hikaru is the best indeed. He smiles lopsidedly, his eyes on Pavel's, then shuts them and says, very softly, "I worry about you, too."

Something behind Pavel's eyes snaps almost audibly, and he lunges, barely making himself gentle the kiss. Hikaru pulls him close with an arm around his waist and kisses him back, strong and sure and so alive under his hands. It isn't until he feels them shift that Pavel realizes Hikaru is lying back, pulling him along, and if he goes he'll end up atop Hikaru's newly repaired chest.

So he doesn't. He pushes himself back, tearing his mouth away, and stays there even though Hikaru gives him the wide brown eyes. "Where are you going?"

"Far away, to help remove your clothes." Pavel unzips and removes Hikaru's boot, then the other.

"So you're undressing me, but not kissing me," Hikaru teases, sounding like Captain Kirk when he wheedles.

After a moment, Pavel says so as he unfastens Hikaru's pants. "You sound like the Captain when he is importunate."

Hikaru stares, then laughs so hard he falls backwards. "Ah, ha, ow," he gasps, clutching Pavel's shoulder. "Um, okay. Thank you." Pavel rewards him with a single kiss on his knee, and concentrates ostentatiously on folding the pants until Hikaru huffs and swings his legs into bed, kicking the padd onto the floor as he pulls the sheet up.

"What else do you need?" Pavel asks somewhat absently as he watches Hikaru settle into bed, folding his hands behind his head, the sheet across his bare muscular chest hiding the big pale patch over his breastbone. Like this, his smile relaxed, his eyes bright but not glassily drugged, Hikaru really does look like nothing happened in the past four days. Almost. Pavel swallows hard around the lump in his throat; whatever else, he will _not_ cry. "Another pill, a glass of water?"

"No, Nurse Chekov," Hikaru says, his eyes sparkling, "I'm fine. But if you could water my plants..."

Pavel bounces to his feet. "I can do that!" He loves watering Hikaru's plants: the fresh green growing lifeforms, the sweet earthy scent of damp soil, the responsibility for something Hikaru cares about. In that last Pavel feels a kinship with Hikaru's plants, which makes him enjoy tending them all the more. "The can?"

"It's over my desk." Pavel takes the watering can from the hook and squeezes lightly, semi-rigid polymer flexing in his hands. He always does this once, to hear the hollow thunk as the can's walls resume their shape, before he fills it in Hikaru's tiny bathroom.

"First, I must..." There is a procedure, so Pavel briefly closes his eyes as he recalls it. Press a fingertip against the soil to check its hydration, water for a count of five for small pots and eight for the large, avoid wetting the leaves... he moves around the room watering the plants, feeling Hikaru quietly watching him, listening to Hikaru breathe.

It hits him that he might never have heard Hikaru breathing again, and he nearly splashes a broad variegated leaf. Pushing that idea away, Pavel asks, "what are you thinking?" as he stands on tiptoe to reach the hanging vine.

"About your belly where your shirt's pulled up." Hikaru snickers as the dull burn of a blush flares across Pavel's face. "About how good you look."

"About how you wish me to crush the air from you and undo all Doctor McCoy's work," Pavel retorts as sharply as he can manage, when his heart pounds with happiness at Hikaru's laughter. "I am done with watering, I will dry the can."

"Drip dry is fine," Hikaru says, arm flexing in a negligent gesture. Pavel thinks of Hikaru lunging with a foil, the definition in his arms as he shifts over Pavel in bed, and makes himself whirl away. He doesn't want to leave, even as far as the bathroom, but he's going to need to masturbate or melt down fairly soon.

As he hangs up the can, Pavel hears a shifting rustle of cloth. When he turns around Hikaru has kicked off the sheet and his jockeys; he stretches like a cat until he lies spread out on his bed, one hand still behind his head, one loose around his cock. "Pavel Andreievich Chekov," Hikaru says slowly, rolling the full name on his tongue like a full-body caress, "why are you still dressed and all the way over there?"

Pavel's mouth falls open. Hikaru looks so good, graceful and toned, stroking himself slowly and smiling invitingly. Pavel slides his gaze over those handsome, familiar features, knowing how Hikaru's square shoulders would feel under his hands, how Hikaru's strong thighs would feel beneath his, if he just went over.

Hikaru's face shifts, his smile becoming serious, and he presses both hands flat to the mattress as he sits up a little. "I mean, if you don't want to, that's fine. It really is. But if you think I don't want to because I just got out of Sickbay...?"

"I do want, so much, but I..." Pavel's pulse throbs in his temples and his cock, and his head feels very empty of anything not related to having sex with Hikaru. "I do not want to reinjure you."

Hikaru sighs gustily and flops down, holding his arms straight up. "Come _here_."

Pavel tells himself he tried, kicks off his boots, and drags off his shirt and undershirt as he crosses the room. He climbs carefully over Hikaru, settling beside him rather than on him, and Hikaru smiles as if Pavel's the best thing he's ever seen, slides a hand into his curls and kisses him hungrily. The scent of his hair, of his skin, the moving press of his lips, and Pavel is undone, heart soaring, clutching Hikaru's shoulders too tightly. Hikaru exhales a small warm noise and pushes the kiss deeper, wetter, hotter, and Pavel whimpers helplessly, head tipping back, already tingling all over.

It's like drowning but the opposite, in the feel of Hikaru's strong hands, Hikaru's mouth firm on his, Hikaru solid and whole pressed to him, and Pavel forgets about unimportant things like air as he thrusts against Hikaru's hip, his cock throbbing under his fly. Hikaru chokes a muffled laugh and disengages their mouths, gasping as he leans their foreheads together, and Pavel realizes with a deep sobbing breath that maybe he does need a little air.

He needs Hikaru just as much, though, helpless not to touch him, stroking up the back of his neck, carding fingers into his hair. Hikaru kisses him lightly, barely shifting his mouth from a smile. "You're not still worried, right?"

Pavel pulls his hand slowly through Hikaru's hair, limpid strands slipping between his fingers. Their breath whisks across each other's faces, chests and thighs sliding together until every brush of hot skin makes him shake. "I promise I will go easy," he says as archly as he can though his voice wobbles.

"You'd better fucking not," Hikaru answers, half laughing. "Come on." He presses Pavel even closer by the small of his back, tangling their legs. "It took a pretty big rock, okay? You won't hurt me." The laughter drains away as he adds, "And when I thought--"

Pavel understands and shudders, and Hikaru stops, but Pavel pushes against the aroused thrum of his body, the weight of desire on his eyelids, and opens his eyes. Hikaru's fill his vision, infinite and clear brown. "You thought you would die," Pavel says, and bites his lip as Hikaru pets his back, heat flaring beneath the touch. "I was so afraid, too."

Hikaru nods, his eyelids shiver but don't lower. "I really -- never mind, we're finally in bed."

"Tell me," Pavel insists, closing his hand around a fistful of Hikaru's hair.

Hikaru laughs gently, tipping his head so his hair whisks through Pavel's fingers like water. "Don't pull, bald's not a good look on me." Pavel would answer that, but Hikaru kisses him again, pulling back after a few warm moments. "It's not the first time I thought I might not make it back," he says slowly, sliding his hand to Pavel's clothed hip, and Pavel sternly tells himself that he wants to hear this more than he wants Hikaru to touch him, really. "On our first mission, falling towards Vulcan -- and dying in Kirk's arms, that idea's almost hilarious. And then when the Klingons nearly destroyed us. I kind of wanted to shove you into an escape pod."

Pavel frowns, but right now he doesn't have the heart to bristle at Hikaru's romantic overprotectiveness. "I was too busy with weapons for an escape pod," he says mildly.

Hikaru's smile is all agreement. "Yeah, you were too busy kicking ass. _We_ were too busy at the helm." He squeezes Pavel's hip, and the look in his warm eyes pierces Pavel's heart, sharp and sweet. "When I was falling you caught me. When the rockslide hit and everything went black I thought about seeing you again."

Eyes aching like his heart, Pavel squeezes them shut and kisses Hikaru, so hard their teeth bump, too hard, but Hikaru moans into him and pushes him onto his back, straddling him and unfastening his pants. "I thought about the way you look when you come," Hikaru murmurs low over Pavel's mouth, and Pavel gasps and pushes into Hikaru's hands, wriggling to help Hikaru strip his pants down. "About getting back here to take you to bed. I want to watch you." He kisses behind Pavel's ear as he palms his cock, a press of strong sure fingers, and Pavel bites his lip but the moan leaks out around the edges. "I want you to come for me. I've been thinking about it for days."

Pavel wants that, so much and more, kicking his pants away, rocking into Hikaru's fast twisting strokes, shuddering as electricity crackles up his spine. He reaches but Hikaru pins his wrist against the mattress, pins his head with a wonderfully messy kiss. "You next," Pavel croaks, tilting his chin up. "Hikaru, I--"

"That's the plan." Hikaru nods, smile bright, eyebrows pulling together like he's the one warping towards orgasm. He kisses Pavel deeply, muscular thighs tight around his hips, thumb tight on his pulse, stroking quickly and firmly and perfectly right; Pavel gives in, moaning for Hikaru, arching into his hand, pulling against his grip just enough to feel it. Hikaru kisses his face, his jaw, his throat, guiding hand pumping him steadily all the while, and it's everything Pavel wanted and the smallest part of the fantasies that pounded longingly behind his eyes as he pressed his datapadd down on his lap and watched Hikaru sleep in Sickbay. When Hikaru pulls his mouth away Pavel sobs out loud, feeling Hikaru's gaze on him like another caress as twists and bucks, thrusts and cries out, the sensation wrenchingly wonderful.

He spatters his chest and belly as Hikaru strokes him through it, slicker and stickier now, to exactly the moment when it's too much. He's breathing as hard as Pavel as he slumps sideways, letting go to tangle their less messy hands together, and they just lie there nestled back to front as Pavel's heart gradually decelerates, pounding with satisfaction and relief. Eventually he grabs the discarded sheet and lazily mops himself, his melted brain slowly resolidifying, which is why it takes him so long to think about Hikaru's breathlessness. "You!" he shouts, sitting up, and Hikaru's eyes flutter open as Pavel turns to face him, pointing angrily. "You are not -- do not tell me you are all right."

Looking up from heavy-lidded eyes, Hikaru squeezes Pavel's hand. "I'm getting there." He shrugs onto his back, reaching up to trail fingers down Pavel's chest, and his sultry smile is one Pavel usually sees only during fencing and the middle of the night. "I feel better already."

"You are drunk on medication and impatience," Pavel says, but he smiles despite himself and Hikaru just smirks. "I will call Doctor McCoy, ask him--"

Hikaru plants a sticky hand right over Pavel's mouth. "Are you really _trying_ to turn me off?" Pavel can't resist licking Hikaru's palm, tasting himself on his skin, watching a tremor go up his strong arm. "Thought not. If you want, I'll lie here and let you do all the work."

Pavel tugs Hikaru's hand off his mouth, though not without another lick. His pulse under Pavel's fingers is steady and sure. "What work is that?" He walks the other hand up Hikaru's hip, brushing the back of his hand against Hikaru's cock as lightly as he can. "What if your heart goes 'pop'?"

Hikaru shudders all over, turning his hand to squeeze Pavel's. "Then that'll mean you did it right," he says, closing his eyes, eyelashes inky on his cheekbones, "because I want you to fuck me."

Pavel blinks, excitement surging, smiling so wide his cheeks twinge. In their several weeks together they haven't had sex that way yet, he never has with anyone. "You want that?" Hikaru nods, looking up at him. "You want me to?" His voice cracks, but Hikaru's eyes widen with his smile, and Pavel has to fling himself on Hikaru, has to clutch his shoulders and kiss him eagerly. "I want, I want," he mutters between kisses, Hikaru's mouth open beneath his, Hikaru's hands tight on his hips. "I want you. I want to be inside you."

"I thought you would," Hikaru breathes, and Pavel kisses him again until his lips throb, finally pulling back with one hand set over the even pound of Hikaru's heart. The new skin feels slicker under the drag of his fingers, but Hikaru stretches almost bonelessly, relaxing out of his usual compact stance, his smile unfurling as he says, "Ensign Chekov, you have the conn."

Pavel laughs as he kisses Hikaru again, reaching behind the pillow for the lube. He sits back to slick his fingers as he kneels between Hikaru's thighs, considers his glistening wet hand and adds some more. He remembers how Hikaru does this to him, but... Hikaru lies before him, looking sturdy and indestructible, and Pavel can't help but think how terribly inaccurate that appearance is.

"Don't you dare finish that off," Hikaru says cheerfully, flicking his fingers over Pavel's navel. "I'm not going to Sickbay for more, not this week." He drapes his thighs over Pavel's. "That's enough, really." And wriggles, shifting his hips. "Come on, here I am."

"All right, all right, so impatient." Pavel loosely wraps his other hand around Hikaru's cock as he strokes the lubed one beneath his balls and down. He pushes his forefinger carefully into the heat of Hikaru's body, watching it sink and emerge knuckle by knuckle, answering heat coiling in his belly as he strokes another time, again and again. Breathing roughening, Hikaru suddenly hisses between his teeth, his fingers tightening on the crumpling sheet; Pavel pauses with a jolt, glancing up, but Hikaru's smiling, little beads of sweat rising on his forehead. "Tell me."

"Fuck, I--" Hikaru tips his head back, a sheen pooled in the dip of his throat. "I think you can come back with two fingers."

"You are sure?" Hikaru cuts off Pavel's questions by reaching down and grabbing his wrist, by squeezing around his finger, a smooth muscular ripple. Pavel's cock jerks at the thought of feeling that, and Hikaru nods, grin shining.

"You should see yourself," he tells Pavel, his eyes bottomless and blown. "Concentrating like this. So fucking sexy." Pavel's cheeks heat, because Hikaru is the gorgeous one, spread out sleek and graceful before him; he shakes his head, looking down, trying to match his hands' pace as he slides two fingers in, feeling the tight ring, the infinitesimal give. Hikaru's breathing is familiarly noisy, his hand trembling on Pavel's forearm. "Yeah, go on, a little faster."

"I will not rush," Pavel insists, even though all his pulse points are pounding. He speeds up a little, and the soft noise Hikaru makes, the way his thighs tense -- Pavel's hard again already, and if he hadn't had so much practice ignoring it recently, if Hikaru hadn't jerked him off to start, he doesn't think he could keep on with this glorious torment. "Patience is virtue."

"Is that a Russian proverb?" Hikaru gasps, adding, "tilt your fingers down, about ten degrees."

Pavel intends to answer 'it is common sense,' but when he complies Hikaru gasps and jerks almost violently, cock twitching in his hand, grip on his arm searingly tight. He recognizes that shallow raised spot, and absolutely has to push his fingers across it again and hear Hikaru groan, watch him arch into the stroke so his back lifts off the bed.

"Oh hell." Hikaru moans, the opposite of distressed, "Why the fuck didn't we do this before?" He bucks into Pavel's fist, making his fingers slide in fast enough for a wet slick noise that echoes down his spine. Pavel can't say anything, his mouth gone dry as he watches Hikaru writhe between his hands. "I can take a third finger now," he breathes, his eyes heavy-lidded. "I need another, _please_."

"Hikaru," Pavel breathes, and does it. Hikaru hisses, the elastic resistance compressing Pavel's fingers, and Pavel forces himself to pause, but Hikaru shakes his head wildly, tugging his wrist like a tiller. "More?"

"Yeah, it's good, it's so fucking good. More." Hikaru presses a heel lightly into his back. He sighs "Pavel," as if the name tastes good, eyes focused on his face, and Pavel wants to kiss Hikaru's panting mouth, wants him so badly he aches. A few more strokes and Hikaru shivers hard, shutting his eyes, pushing a clear 'halt' against Pavel's wrist. "Okay, enough, stop, _stop_."

"But you--" Pavel doesn't want to stop dragging his hand up and down the hard curve of Hikaru's cock and moving his fingers in the slicked tight heat of his body, doesn't want to stop feeling him vibrate and twist with pleasure, but he stills himself. "You can come like this, no? "

Hikaru groans, pushing his hair off his damp forehead. "Yeah, I really -- we have to do that soon, a lot." He grins from under his hand. "But tonight I want you to fuck me." The low purr of Hikaru's words thrums through Pavel's blood, pulling Pavel forward over him. "Hey, easy," he adds, cheerful and breathless, "Go slowly, okay? I need to be able to sit tomorrow."

"I do not see why," Pavel teases, leaning in, though of course he eases his fingers out slowly, kissing Hikaru until he growls into Pavel's mouth. He thinks belatedly of twisting them, of teasing Hikaru the way Hikaru has sometimes teased him, but perhaps another time, when his whole body isn't throbbing with want. "You can lie in the bed all day," he murmurs, swiping his wet fingers quickly on the sheet before running them up the underside of Hikaru's hard thigh. "You have orders."

"Oh, damn," Hikaru breathes appreciatively, folding his legs across Pavel's back. "In that case, come here." Pavel leans in for another deep kiss, trying to push in and only sliding, not unpleasantly but rather frustratingly until Hikaru exhales a chuckle and pushes him back by his shoulders. Pavel blushes hot at his own clumsiness, but Hikaru just shifts his knees higher and smiles encouragingly. "You'd better use your hand to guide yourself. It's okay, I've got you."

Pavel shakes his head, arm tensing as he tries to shift his own weight off Hikaru's hands. "Maybe there is not enough lube?" he glances around for the bottle until Hikaru squeezes his shoulders.

"Your fingers were _dripping_," he says, shaking his head. "I think we've got enough. Come on, fuck me." Just hearing that makes Pavel shiver, and he nearly falls as he gets himself lined up. "There you go." One push, just the head, both of them gasping, and the smooth tight squeeze feels so different, from fingers, from a mouth, from anything. "Oh, yes, fuck, yes," Hikaru groans as Pavel pants above him, stunned speechless, clutching the bed either side of Hikaru's waist. "You--!"

Pavel moves just a millimeter but his hips race ahead, slamming him in balls deep, and Hikaru's voice tilts and breaks. "Oh, shit, sorry, sorry," Pavel gasps, alarm spiking through him, Hikaru's hands clamped tight on his forearms, Hikaru shaking beneath and around him.

Another fearful moment, Pavel's disobedient blood surging with desperate arousal, and Hikaru drags in a breath, he laughs threadily and Pavel's arms nearly give way with relief. "Okay, it's okay," Hikaru gasps. "Just caught me by surprise." Pavel pushes an eye open, and Hikaru's beaming at him, eyes and grin shining. "God, you feel good. Come on, _move_."

Pavel's eyes squeeze shut, all his energies redirecting elsewhere. "Yes, yes, I, yes." He lets his hips work, the rhythm rising out of his back-brain, electric up his spine and down his thighs, the familiar intensification with a new edge. Hikaru moans eagerly, thighs tight over Pavel's ribs, hands on his arms squeezing instructions into his sweat-slick skin, _yes like that harder slower yes_. There's not enough air in his lungs, in the room, and Pavel has to gasp with each thrust, has to whimper, starts to babble. "_You are the one who feels so good, you are so strong, so beautiful_," he murmurs, and Hikaru hums questioningly, looking up with a wrinkle between his dark eyes as if he doesn't understand.

Pavel realizes he must have fallen into Russian, and that's perfect. This new connection, sinking himself deep into Hikaru, is too primal for any language but his first. "_I love you_," he says, as he hasn't dared in English, watching every shift in Hikaru's face as his eyelids sink, as he grins wider and pushes harder into Pavel's thrusts. "_I love you so much, I can feel your pulse, it is unending, don't you dare ever die,_" he chants to the rhythm of their bodies slapping together. Hikaru tenses all the more around him, cock rubbing against his belly, and he answers, thrusting harder, moaning, "_Come on, come on, I want you to come, I want to feel you, I want to feel everything._"

It's all too much, and Pavel realizes he's going to come imminently, the wave of sensation gathering, his skin spangling all over. He bites his lip, but it's just one more throb down his nerves, not even painful as it all overtakes him, as his eyes crinkle shut and Hikaru says something warmly urgent and everything implodes into the pulse of orgasm and the clutch of Hikaru's body around him. Pavel distantly hears himself cry out nonsensical syllables as his arms shudder and give way and he collapses shaking, half atop Hikaru.

The world expands again slowly, to his warm tingling body, to Hikaru's hand in his hair and strained, pleased murmur in his ear. "That was amazing, you're amazing, I just, come on, a little more..." Hikaru's other hand pushes between their bellies.

Embarrassment cuts sharply through the hazy fog of pleasure. Pavel could never bear to be so selfish. He pushes Hikaru's hand away, and as his hand closes around Hikaru's cock his ear burns under the happy curse Hikaru exhales. Pavel tilts his head a little, pressing his mouth to the strong vibrating cord of Hikaru's throat as he strokes, and Hikaru is ready and more, his cock wet and taut, squeezing irregularly around Pavel still inside him. "Fuck me, yeah, fuck me, I'm yours," Hikaru groans hot in his ear, and as he comes Pavel can feel the ripples propagate all through him, through both of them.

Hikaru grabs Pavel's chin, tilting his face up, and kisses him more sweetly than water after a long run, again and again as they shake through each other's aftershocks. Finally, too breathless and heavy with satisfaction to keep going, they slump into the pillow and lie there entangled, gasping across each other's wet mouths. "Oh, my God," Hikaru mutters, sounding dazed, hand resting where Pavel's throat meets his jaw. "That was incredible. You never did that before? Is there anything you can't do?"

Pavel blushes under Hikaru's hand, atop his shoulder. "You set the destination, I chart the way. Always."

Hikaru laughs that breathless chuckle Pavel loves anew, brushes damp curls off his forehead and kisses him again, but in the middle of the kiss he winces and Pavel shifts away. "Sorry, ow," Hikaru gasps, eyelids shut and creasing.

His heart feeling like it's smashed flat, Pavel wiggles off Hikaru as fast as he can without pushing on any part of him. "I'm sorry! I have injured you?"

Hikaru shakes his head against the pillow. "No, not you," he explains, his smile compressed and tilted, pressing a hand to his chest, "you were great. I guess the endorphins are just wearing off. Can you--"

"Oh, yes, let me!" Pavel scrambles out of bed to grab the medication and a cup of water. It shouldn't be a relief that all Hikaru needs is an overdue pain pill, but if Pavel had hurt him he could not have endured it. Hikaru washes the pill down, carefully leaves the cup half full, and presses it into Pavel's hand. He sighs but knocks back the remaining water, and Hikaru smiles drowsily and gently tugs his wrist until he climbs back into bed, settling in carefully and pulling the blanket up.

They're sweaty and sticky, lax and warm, the air around them redolent with sex. It was only four days (and critical injury, and nearly death), and Pavel has missed this so much he aches with happiness, his resolve not to cry weakened by pleasure and gratitude. It helps him master himself when Hikaru rests a grounding hand on his arm and mumbles, "Shower?"

"Morning is soon enough," Pavel says around the fading lump in his throat, setting his hand on Hikaru's.

"That works." Hikaru yawns ear to ear. "Computer, lights off." Pavel yawns too, and closes his eyes.

Much later, Pavel half-wakes to find himself curled into Hikaru, head on Hikaru's shoulder, hand on his collarbone, their knees overlapping. Hikaru is whispering slowly, lightly stroking Pavel's hair, and Pavel holds himself sleep-still, keeping his breathing even so he can listen.

"I love you," Hikaru whispers into the darkness, and Pavel's heart hitches and thuds so loudly he doesn't know how Hikaru doesn't hear it. "I love you, and I'm sorry I scared you, but I feel... I feel like maybe I survived because you wanted me to, with all that conviction, all that energy. Like I could come back from anything if I had to, as long as you're waiting for me." Hikaru pauses for awhile, the only sounds his slow breathing and Pavel's heartbeat pounding in his ears, then self-consciously mutters, "Jeez, Sulu," and quietly laughs at himself.

Pavel can feel tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, threatening to betray him, but he holds himself steady, turning those words over in his mind as Hikaru's hand goes limp, as his breathing evens out again. When he's sure Hikaru is asleep, Pavel turns his head, smudging his hand across his wet eyes, and kisses Hikaru's shoulder. _I love you,_ Hikaru has said, which is rampantly unfair and the best thing Pavel has heard since he knew he wouldn't lose him. _I love you, and I could come back from anything for you._

"I love you too," Pavel whispers, warm with hope and Hikaru beside him, and falls back asleep smiling.


End file.
